Oh right, so I’m back. After almost 8 months in Cambodia, I have somehow found my way back to the San Francisco Bay Area, with (the reason why I am back:) a full-time job and a ton of memories of… the usual: good times, good people, good food, good stuff… that may or may not one day be posted here on this, ultimately, failed travel blog (I did try, so give me some props for that, mmmkay).
It’s the third time I’ve made this journey between Siem Reap and Phnom Penh.
I’m in the same type of van - a 13-seater Ford - that we used the second time around, described as “really fast” by friends who recommend it over the various bus companies that make the trek daily between the two cities. And it is definitely fast; faster than the “VIP” bus I took on my first journey. So fast that when I hear a high-pitched yelp and the van lurches up and continues to speed along after a thunk, I can only think that some poor animal is meeting it’s Maker. Maybe a dog or cat, I think briefly before pushing the thought to the side of my consciousness to avoid dwelling on the sadness of it all. Perhaps the carmakers had that in mind when they designed the van - preventing passengers from witnessing the carnage left behind by their automobiles - because it is almost impossible for me to look out and down from my seat to the road. The only view is the 1x2 framed view to my left - an endless reel of wooden & thatch homes, palm and mango trees, an occasional cow or two, brackish green ponds covered in lily pads, and other speedy cars taking the liberty of passing our already spritely van. Incredibly, I can’t see out the front window either, where four people sit in high-backed seats blocking the view, chattering away in Khmer with, I can only presume, the driver. Even craning my neck, I can only see blue-ish gray sky and an occasional sugar palm tree above their seats and heads.
The Cambodia I see between Siem Reap and Phnom Penh is incredibly flat, it’s an endless landscape of warm yellow grasses, alternately dotted sparsely and overtaken by the foliage of sugar palms, banana trees, mango trees, and other trees & plants whose names I haven’t bothered to learn. It is the same landscape I’ve observed between Siem Reap and Poipet, Siem Reap and Kralangh, Siem Reap and Beng Melea, Siem Reap and Phnom Krom. It is the same (same), but different. This phrase has become something I’ve come to associate only with Cambodia.
It occurs to me how amazing it is that just one experience can breed familiarity, whether it’s with a place, a landscape, a person, or a concept. But it doesn’t mean you know or understand something or someone; you are just familiar.
A lot of thoughts like these occur lazily over the five hour journey. After all, I have a lot of time to think and look, because there is no way I can sleep on the jarring ride and no way I can read without losing focus. The smell of the AC - a sickly sweet scent - causes a headache-y nausea that, even after two hours of familiarity, will not go away. So, I think a lot, watch the rolling landscape, daydream a bit… I think I’m not so different from anybody else that my preoccupations and thoughts aren’t so extraordinary. I think about my fears. I think about what I want to accomplish, one day from now, one week from now, one year from now. I hear my parents speaking to each other softly in Tagalog, probably commenting on how wildly the driver navigates the two-lane “highway” and cows. Or perhaps my mom is making sure they haven’t forgotten anything in Siem Reap. When they speak to each other in their shared language they chose not to share with their children, I half-tune them out so that it becomes more of a melody in the background. It’s the beautiful, white noise I grew up with, and to hear it again, after many months, is comforting, especially on this ride.
After the sun sets, we pass by neon-lit restaurants, their signs flashing the full spectrum of the rainbow in Khmer writing. I’ve seen this before, but I’ve never seen these specific signs. It’s a familiar sight riding down Route 6 back in Siem Reap; you can’t not notice the brightly blinking messages beckoning tourists and locals alike to eat at this restaurant or that food cart.
Our van is slowing down and everyone on board is probably wondering why as we approach flashing lights piercing the darkness in a familiar rhythm. We pass by a car accident. A minivan off the side of the road which obviously took a tumble, a blackened void where the windshield and front doors should be. My mom clucks, my dad softly snorts, perhaps in disbelief. My sister is still amazingly asleep, her head hovering over my right shoulder. I know my mom is saying a silent prayer, and I’m also hoping we make it to Phnom Penh in one piece, but I don’t pray. I haven’t prayed in years. I’m just thankful.
I’m thankful I was able to show my parents my Siem Reap, the city I’ve fallen in love with while living here. Thankful I could see them after 4 months without the physical connection to family and best friends; it’s been a startling realization just how dependent I am on all of them emotionally - they are my community, my tribe. Thankful that my sister and I continue to randomly amuse each other with one-liners & people-watching. Thankful for my mom, despite all of our flaws and differences, and my dad, for the quiet, comfortable moments when we sit together and just say nothing at all.
It’s been a longer journey for me the last year and half - across the US - in NYC, Philadelphia, Boston, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego - and then across the world to Cambodia… Realizations, heartbreak, love, hurts, forgiveness, joy, finding happiness, acceptance, discoveries, epiphanies. And throughout it all, family and friends, constant. And I know, no matter where I go, whether it’s the same same or different, I will have them. I’m so lucky.
lovejunkstitch asked: are you starting a new chapter in your life? ;)
chapter 25: Title TBD
REASON I LOVE SIEM REAP #99: Fried fish with ginger (Cha sach-trai muy k’nyae) from Som Suk (the best Khmer restaurant EVER)
Last week, we celebrated two weddings for two PEPY staff members. The first wedding wasn’t the wedding ceremony, but a wedding party, for Alin. She had her actual wedding in Phnom Penh, and then threw another party in Siem Reap.
Alin was truly a vision in one of her dresses. At her wedding, she wore upwards of 12 or 14 different dresses.
The food was really wonderful. They were served in seven courses, beginning with smaller bite-size items, like peanuts, dried fish, and papaya pickled salad, and progressed through some pretty tasty main dishes - ending with a really amazing pork dish over it’s own little burner.
Group photo after dinner.
The second wedding event was a celebration, as well, for Chim Seng ad his wife. Chim Seng works for PEPY out of the schools in Chanleas Dai. His wedding was in a village near Chanleas Dai in the Kralangh district about an hour away from Siem Reap.
It was a bumpy ride once we were off the paved Route 6 highway and on the unpaved roads, that were also in the midst of being repaved.
The wedding was really colorful and so many people were there to celebrate the couple’s special day.
Her dress is so beautiful - it was peacock motif and theme. Alin mentioned that on her wedding day, she had to wake up at really early in the AM because it took hours to get into the first dress, her hair did, and her makeup done.
Before we left to get back to Siem Reap, we took a huge group photo with all the PEPY people.
This is totally a moment of corny self-awareness, but… One of my favorite parts of working with PEPY is the celebrating of every individual and important events in their employees’ and co-workers’ lives. I feel really lucky to have been a part of both of these celebrations… real talk. And… also, the food was INCREDIBLY good.
I had another adventure last weekend; Woke up at 4:30am to load my mountain bike and myself onto a tuk tuk which then drove 2 hours to get to Beng Melea, a temple that’s been overrun (in a controlled way) by the surrounding jungle.
There was a touch of touristyness but not as much as the Angkor Wat experience. Honestly, because we were there at 7am in the morning, we had the temple to ourselves for a few hours. The encroaching jungle on the tumbled ruins of Beng Melea was just… well, incredible.
And beautiful.
And delightful.
The actual whole trip, of which I did only half (remember, tuk tuk), involved biking to Beng Melea, doing an overnight stay in the village, visiting the temple in the morning, and biking back to Siem Reap.
I only did half because I’m not a seasoned biker, nor at all in shape, and I wanted to see the Puppet Show (parade) in Siem Reap the night before.
Behold, puppets!
Made by the children of Siem Reap.
Impressed much?
We just got news that the organization will be moving away from Siem Reap and closer to the school & community it serves in Kralangh, a community about an hour away. This means no AC, no touristy attractions, and way way waaaay fewer English speakers. Now there’s more motivation to learn Khmer (the Cambodian language), of which I have the basics of asking for food and saying hello quasi-down.
I’m totes looking forward to it, as my original assumptions of my time in Cambodia involved all of the above.
It’s been on my mind for a while - considering why I am here in Siem Reap and if it is okay for me to be here. I never dreamed about volunteering abroad. Or working for a greater purpose. Or for the “betterment of the world.” If anything, I am far from a natural do-gooder.
And if I’m going to be completely honest with you (and I will), faceless audience who may or may not be there, I am here because I needed to get away from my life. From lack of passion for my “career,” from uncertainty of not having goals, and from the end of a ridiculously ridiculous relationship.
It was a wholly selfish decision to come here. It was for me. Should I feel bad about this?
The reality is that I am a tourist and I am volunteering, and while it may not be in the worst possible way ever (because there are definitely worse), those two things will be defining my experience. Also, I have no grand illusions of saving anyone, especially the children. If there is any real impact I hope to make, it’s in providing training in my skillsets to the Khmer staff so that they are able to manage and sustain the web aspect of their organization going forward.
I began this post questioning myself and my motivations. I was TOTALLY going to write a soul-searching, emo post. But then I got bored right at this… moment. (And then I thought, WWRD?)
So, essentially, because maybe there should be a point to this blog post: I feel like I should feel guilty, but I also don’t feel guilty about my reasons for being here.
Because, in any endeavor anyone undertakes, whether altruistic or not, there is always a personal selfish motivation behind it. Don’t you think Mother Teresa felt good about herself?
If there’s anything that I have learned from a bad date, it is at least that one thing. Also, side note, never go on a date with someone who goes to Dreamforce conferences or works with Salesforce for a living, because they’re likely to be a Tool. This is truth.
My first visitor (John!) arrived in Siem Reap for a weekend of activities and things to do planned by moi. Turns out, there’s a reason I definitely don’t do event planning. And, much of my discovery and research of Siem Reap the last five weeks has been centered around finding the best places to eat.
So, naturally, John and I ended up eating some really delicious Khmer food (and quasi-Mexican, just once). And somewhere in between the conversations about food and eating of food, we visited the Angkor Wat temples complex.
Our day at Angkor Wat started at 5AM in a race to see the sun rise over Angkor Wat, involved a leisurely bike ride to the other temples on the complex (yes, even to the Angelina Jolie one), and ended with a pleasant ride back to the city (about 8 miles). In all, we spent around 11 to 12 hours there - which is DEFINITELY Not Enough Time To See It All.
I’m looking forward to more visitors to have another excuse to check out the temples again (aka come visit me, okay!). Photos above.
Hey, lucky number seven, heeeyyyy
Everyday, Siem Reap surprises me more and more. I wasn’t expecting a tourist-friendly city that caters to international tastes, however, if I want a burger, I can get a burger. If I want a salad, I can get a salad. If I want an “enchilada,” I can get something that is as close to an enchilada as I’ll probably ever get in Southeast Asia. AND I’ve been lucky to have a variety of choices in food - besides “Mexican,” there’s Khmer, Italian, pizza, Vietnamese, Sushi… It’s all here. Life is a lot more comfortable than I expected, and I’m very rarely in my red zone of uncomfortable situations. Lucky much?
A former PEPY intern runs a sweet gathering space -slash- bar -slash- movie lounge called Art Deli. And tonight, at Art Deli, my roommate and I got our futures and fortunes read. While I remain skeptical of the mystical and spiritual, but always in awe of the faith that is inspired by such things, I couldn’t help but get drawn into my tarot card reading…
She was kind enough to give me a cheat sheet of my fortune.
She brought up money & power and connecting with the earth and new adventure and understanding your experience… well, who wouldn’t be a little bit sold, right? Not that it was all chocolate-covered rainbows. She almost lost me when she started suggesting I should try to make myself “more perfect” & more beautiful in appearance to attract new love (in June). And stop clinging to the past. Insert self-conscious over-awareness of practical ponytail, raggedy jeans, total lack of makeup (yes, even my armor - liquid eyeliner, is absent from my life now) and obsessive over-analyzing of life and love. Also, recommendations that I should try a week without eating meat, drinking and smoking…… yeeeeaaaah, okay, I get it. Okay!
I’m totally down with her recommendation of sticking to the ocean and water for the rest of the year, though. Because, after a day on the island of Ko Chang, chilling with a book, on the beach, time moving slowly, sunsets, and relaxation - seriously, would you really want to deny your urge to spend the rest of your life doing exactly all of that every day?
White sands beach in the morning on Ko Chang.
Due to a number of factors, for the last 24 hours I have restricted my diet to the regal young coconut, the only sustenance (besides water) that doesn’t send my stomach into massive convulsions of rage. Instead, it just sends it into mini-tremors of rage. I just wanted to share a photo of today’s coconut.
I’m doing a (Thailand) border run this weekend with a few fellow PEPYers, which involves acquiring the correct visa to stay in Cambodia for 6 months (due to being hassled on arrival), vacationing on the pristine island of Ko Chang, and (hopefully!) drinking more coconut juice… in the shade… on the beach…
The vacationing and drinking of coconut is optional, but seriously, why pass up the opportunity?
1The first thoughts that came to your mind when reading that title probably involved a lot of awe and wonder that I could cover such a topic, rarely written about and rarely widely discussed. I personally don’t think I need to explain why I am writing about my bathroom here, but short answer is: I spend quite a bit of time in there.
It’s true. And before you scoff or roll your eyes, think about how much time you spend in your own bathroom. I know all about you - reading your GQ & your Terry Pratchett novels, playing Angry Birds & Words With Friends. I know.
The notable thing about my bathroom here in the house I occupy is a low-tech gadget affectionately known as: the bum gun.
The bum gun is a handy water spray device conveniently located next to the humble toilet. Pretty self-explanatory, yes?
I love the explanation newcomers are given despite the nickname. And it is this: When you get food on your plate, you don’t just wipe it off and place it with the other clean dishes, do you? When you get dirt on your arm, you don’t just brush it off without washing, do you?
What’s different here? Toilet paper is not flushed down the toilet; instead you throw it in the bin next to the toilet. Toilet paper is pink. There isn’t a shower stall (which explains the tiled everything). Bum gun. It’s essentially the bare essentials.
I’ve done without a lot of the convenient appliances and comforts (hot water, dishwasher, Blue Bottle &/or Philz coffee, air conditioning, mi goreng, feather down pillows, In N Out, high thread count bedsheets, blah blah blah), and it’s a pleasant surprise finding something -like the bum gun- that I never knew I needed.
Proof that I am actually in the country that I said I am in. Bor Bor! Also known as, rice porridge. Spicy, tasty, salty, MSG-y. Along with a fried bread(like) accompaniment.
Today was rough. Not only because my mom is so ridiculously hard to get a hold of (which makes me want to vow to never Not answer my phone ever again) (and yes, Mom, I’m putting you on blast) but also because, well, when you’re asked, “What was your best day ever?” and then later that day you’re asked, “What’s your greatest strength and weakness?” and all that comes to mind are mostly moments & experiences in which you’re your happiest amongst people who make you laugh constantly, freely give hugs and humor during the hard times, and share in epic life events and how much you miss them and perhaps your greatest weakness is getting attached to people and places and finding strength and support through them… well, you know… not the most unemotional day I’ve ever had. Homesickness is a bi-aaatch.
That said, I also realized today - pastries are really good here. Ice cream, too. Photos to come. (Promise, Carl.)
And, stories safe to share on a public travel blog. Like, how moto(rcycles), cars, and bikes share the roads; turns out, it’s not as scary as it could potentially be despite the obvious dangers and accompanying adrenaline thrill of sharing the road with large, (slowly) moving vehicles. And I don’t mean sharing as in staying inside your own designated bike lane, but full-on getting in the middle of traffic, bumping rubber with the moto in front of you and your leg brushing the car next to you. Disconcerting observation: Drivers on motos will be wearing helmets, however, their children riding in front will not nor the person holding a baby sitting sideways behind the driver.
What else? A full meal can be had for $1 (fried noodles!). Beers for $1.50; draft for $0.50; Johnny Walker Blue for $10/glass. Cheese is rare. Note about the photo with this post: It’s Buy 1, Get 1 Free! (jealuz?)
Living, sleeping, eating, and showering (cold water only) in a house and working in the same aforementioned house is New. You should keep checking in on this blog because I’ll probably mention the organization I work for, attempt to explain what they do, and then tell you how awesome they are.
In my next post, I’m going to describe my bathroom. It deserves it’s own post. Really.
